You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
