It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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