Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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