I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
