im about as happy as oj after his trial
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
