if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
