My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
