I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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