I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
