i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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