Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
