I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
