First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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