I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
