I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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