Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
