forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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