The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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