he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
