May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
