Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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