It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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