who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
