there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
