just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
