FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
