She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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