I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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