Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
