Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
