just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
