marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
