I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
