so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
