What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
