she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
