you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
