grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
