time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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