I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
