SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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