This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
