just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
