im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
