first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
