How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
