i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
