i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
