East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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