Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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