I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
