She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
